A friend of mine told me about her nephew who says he’s sick of the world and vows he’s going to leave society and live off the grid. But he then asked his aunt in complete and total seriousness, “How do you think I’ll be able to get wi-fi?”I say we first start the celebration by having the mobile companies turn off the kiddies cell phones for 24 hours and watch the widespread mayhem begin. WHAT?… No Insta-tweets?! No Snap-gram?! No Words With My Freakin Friends?! Good lord, how utterly barbaric! How in the name of God will their thumbs get the much needed exercise so they don’t go into complete atrophy by the following day?! Harsh… yes, but the confusion will be monumental, and you can share your videos on Facebook because the little snots will never see them because they have deemed Facebook as the “old-people’s” social media.
Next up – all colleges and universities close down their safe spaces for the day and witness the kiddies collapsing during the pandemic from hell. The poor little waifs will be forced to step it up in the real world and deal with problems head-on like everyone ever before them. Sorry little ones, the coloring books and crayons are locked in the cabinet, the therapy dogs are sleeping, and we’re all outta Swiss Miss.
And one final ecstatic thought… 24 straight hours without a single duck-face selfie. Whoa.
Confuse a Millennial Day just might be America’s most fun day ever created as generation Tide Pod has no choice but to get hands-on and interact with the real world.